Happy, happy Monday! Hope you’re having a wonderful day so far. I am feeling a little sore from our run yesterday, but other than that, I feel quite refreshed. The hubby and I had a nice weekend of connectedness. I am using the word connectedness because we did a lot together, and for some reason, didn’t feel the rush or pressure we typically feel. As some of you know, we have been working on the home pretty much every weekend since we bought it and there’s always this feeling of anxiety for getting things done. It can be exhausting if we don’t break from our routine. Hence, a run at the park 😉
Something about this weekend was refreshing. I have yet to put my finger on it but I am going to guess it’s because Jose spoke my love language all weekend long.
This past weekend inspired me to share about a book I read a few years ago, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. This book introduced me to the five love languages, which I’ll share more about below. I love sharing this book with people because I refer to it on a daily basis. I read this book before I got married because I was always curious about relationships. I wanted to know what I needed to do then to prepare myself mentally for marriage.
Let me explain.
I don’t come from a family who grew up watching their parents madly in love with each other. In fact, my biological parents separated before I was born. Having said that, I wanted to know what made marriages GREAT, not good. I’ve always dreamt of having an extraordinary marriage – one filled with adventure, laughter, playfulness, full of respect, and of course, love.
After coming around the idea of possibly getting married one day, I started working on the person I thought would make a great wife someday. (Granted I haven’t stopped working on her; it is a lifelong process.) Anyway, reading The Five Love Languages helped put things into perspective. This book helped me realize a few things…
#1 – The Five Love Languages
Gary Chapman studied love all over the world. He summarized his findings by narrowing down the top five ways people feel loved.
- Acts of Service – This means you love and appreciate when tasks are completed for you. This could mean your significant other taking out the trash, making the bed, washing the dishes, getting the kids ready for bed, etc., etc. They’re mundane chores, if you ask me.
- Gifts – This means you feel loved when you receive a physical gift.
- Words of Affirmation – This means you feel loved when your significant other tells you how beautiful you look, or how well of a job you’re doing, etc. It’s verbal love and appreciation.
- Quality Time – This means you feel loved when you have undivided attention from your significant other. No distractions, just you two.
- Physical Touch – This means you feel loved when you get physical with each other. It doesn’t have to be in a sexual manner, it could be their hand on your shoulder, waist, etc., etc.
#2 – My Love Language
After learning what the five love languages were, I quickly discovered my primary and secondary love languages. My first is quality time. I LOVE quality time with people I love. When Jose gives me undivided attention, I feel like I am the most important person in his life. It makes me feel listened to, appreciated, and loved. It is so critical for us to have that time together – without any distractions. When we disconnect from our digital lives (aka the computer, phone, etc.), I feel the most connected to him. We do our best to set time aside for moments like these. A few of those things include reading together, going for a run, having dinner, the list goes on, and on. My secondary love language is physical touch. Need I say much? You get it.
The point I am trying to make is how important it is to know your own love language. Because guess what? If you don’t know, your significant other probably doesn’t know either. Once the initial feelings of being in love fade away, it’s the real deal. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying the love goes away. In fact, it should grow. What I am referring to is, what is there after the butterflies stop? Because they do. Once you become comfortable with each other, that nervous feeling of seeing them each time, goes away – aka the butterflies.
As soon as I knew what my love languages were, I communicated them to Jose. He is very aware of my love languages, lol! I made sure of it. Annnndddd I am also aware of his…so basically we are on the same page. He knows what to do to make me feel special and loved and vice versa. This is super important for a successful marriage because you stay in love. I love how Gary Chapman reiterates how or why people start falling out of love. It’s a process that happens overtime, and if you don’t address the issue, the relationship could potentially end very sadly.
And that’s not what we are aiming for.
#3 – The Secret to a Lasting and Fulfilled Marriage
Let me say this in the most simplest way – the secret to a lasting and fulfilled marriage is to never stop dating each other. Never stop doing the things you did at the beginning of the relationship. Never fail to communicate if things aren’t feeling ok. And most importantly, never fail to lead by example, even if he (or she) is being an asshole. I can only imagine if I stopped doing the things that make Jose feel loved and vice versa. What would be the point, right? This is why it’s important to lead by example. When I lead by example, and put my ego aside, all things are right with the world. (By the way, another set of principles I live by is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Such a good book with lifelong principles that will never go out of style!)
I know we haven’t been married a long time (we are creeping up on three years this summer), but still, this doesn’t discredit what I’ve learned so far. We do NOT have the perfect marriage (we fight/bicker sometimes) but we definitely work on our relationship every day.
Hope you took away something from today’s blog post. It was a message I felt compelled to share after spending a weekend of connectedness with the hubster. It was gratifying for my soul and wellbeing. And I know a lot of you are a good mix of single and married so I figured why not share. I think it’s a message for any relationship status. Single people – just because you’re not married, it doesn’t mean you cannot start working on the person you wish to be in a marriage. And married people – there’s always room for improvement.
Much love, xx.